"Coach Beth, I'm scared..."

“Coach Beth, I’m scared that I’m mean.” 

He didn’t look away when he said it. His eyes locked onto mine even as tears rolled down his face, searching my own for any non-verbal reaction that might contradict the words he knew I’d say. 

“You are not mean. You did a mean thing today, that’s true. But what you did today is not who you are.”

He shook his head. 

“What if it is? What if I can’t control it? How many times will it just be something I did before it becomes who I am?”

------------

Have you ever heard your mentee talk about what they hope to do when they grow up?

What about who they’re scared they’ll become?

At our after-school mentoring program we have a Manhood Declaration that the boys recite at the beginning of each day. This declaration is a statement of belief about who they are and who they will become. It’s been one of my favorite traditions at Forerunner to see our boys shout the words at the top of their lungs, most of them recited from memory. 

But there was one boy who told me that he didn’t like the Manhood Declaration. “I don’t want to be a Man of God.”, he said. After asking him more about that, he told me he didn’t think he could live up to what that meant. A few months later, it was this same boy who was crying next to me, telling me he is scared of who he is. 

Not a mean kid. Not a rebellious kid. A kid fearful of the darkness he sees in himself and doubtful of if the words in the Manhood Declaration will ever describe him.

------------

Mentors, I have three challenges for you today:

First -  believe the best about your mentee. If they do something wrong, be curious not only about why they made that decision but also about how they felt about themselves afterward. I think all of us have experienced the Romans 7:15 moment of thinking “ I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” Your mentee is going to experience that too. Their actions do not always tell the full story of what is in their heart. 

Second - listen for the question they’re not asking. Saying “I don’t want to be a Man of God” might not sound like a question - but the question is there. Your mentee wants to know what you think of them, but they’re not always going to ask it directly. Sometimes rejecting the identity they fear they can’t live up to is their way of asking if you really believe that could ever describe them. Look at these moments as opportunities to give them clarity on what you think they’re capable of and cast the vision of who you see them becoming. 

Lastly - consider your response to the question the kid in this story asked. “How many times will it just be something I did before it becomes who I am?” At some point the things our mentees deal with are going to be things that we may still be dealing with too. Do you believe God has given you a new identity? Do you still find yourself wrestling with that same question - wondering how many times you can mess up before God revokes your “new creation card”? If you want to lead your mentee in their walk with the Lord, scout the path ahead of them. You’ll only be able to lead them as far as you have gone yourself. Do the hard work of keeping your heart open to being searched by God and stay consistent in growing the relationship you have with Jesus. 
------------

Mentor, you have the words your mentee needs to hear. You know the drill - show up, build up, love God. And hey, in case you haven’t heard it lately - you can mentor.

Forerunner Manhood Declaration

I am a man of God. 

I am strong, fearless, and courageous. 

I am a man after God’s own heart. 

I walk in wisdom and power. 

I have favor with God and man. 

I live life to the fullest. 

I was created on purpose, for a purpose. 

I act with responsibility, humility, integrity, leadership, and respect. 

I am loved and will love others with the love of Jesus. I will forgive because I am forgiven. 

I surround myself with godly friends. 

I honor women with my words and actions. 

I will be a godly husband, father, and leader. 

I am loved by my heavenly Father. 

I am saved by grace through faith in Jesus. 

I am empowered by the Holy Spirit. 

I am a man of God. 

Amen