Moving Beyond First Impressions

What was it like when you met your mentor?

Think back to the first time you met a mentor in life. Did you pursue the relationship or did they pursue you? Were you excited to meet them, or were you petrified? When you met them, did they help you come out of your shell, or did their presence make you feel more like going into one? Did you know what to say? Did they ever ask you questions you couldn’t answer?

Did anyone ever teach you how to be a mentee, or was it assumed you already knew?

For many of our boys, meeting their mentor is the greatest day ever. They grab a football and connect right off the bat. For others, new relationships can create stress. A whole lot of it.

One of my responsibilities at Forerunner is to set up these initial meetings. It’s truly a privilege to be able to see the beginning of a mentor relationship. To explain to mom why we love her son and to hear about her dreams for him. To envision the moms, mentors, and mentees to take ownership of their role in making the match a success.

Moving beyond first impressions

Growing up I was told first impressions are everything. How well you smile, shake a hand, or listen can become what people remember most about you. Forever. And I believe this is true in most cases. But for some reason, I don’t think this rule applies to our mentor relationships.

I’ve had so many mentor relationships start off on the wrong foot. No matter how prepared the mentor is for the first meeting, he will have a question left unanswered, a joke fall flat, or a minute where the mentee drifts into a daydream while he’s sharing about a formative moment in his life. And no matter how mature the mentee is, he will fail to make eye contact, take out his phone to play a game mid-conversation, and more than likely forget their mentor’s name.

I’ve asked boys, “So, are you excited about him being your mentor?” only to hear them say, “No.”

I’ve seen boys shut down and walk out of the room.

I’ve had boys paralyzed in fear of talking to an older man.

If first impressions are everything, Forerunner Mentoring is in a lot of trouble. But fortunately for us, we serve a God of grace. A God of second and third and fourth chances. A God who gives us an example of humility to emulate. A God whose first impression in the flesh was in the form of an innocent child. Defenseless and helpless. Vulnerable and weak. This first impression tells you a lot about the kind of God we serve. He’s not interested in appearances. But this first impression can't give you the full picture of the man Jesus would grow to be. You wouldn’t have seen the miraculous plan of salvation Jesus' story held in waiting. And much the same, our first impressions with our mentees couldn't possibly fortell the story of life-changing relationship that is to come.

Our mentors and mentees move beyond first impressions and learn to see the heart. To walk in humility. To build relationships based on love, not performance. To recognize things in each other that others will easily overlook. To receive more and more their identity as sons and their calling to be fathers.

May we all move beyond our first impressions and into what Jesus sees.